This category contains 6 posts

So difficile

This time the photograph is of a butterfly. Large, heart-shaped wings spread from one border to another, yellow at the center and flaring out to white, specks of white between chains of black. The butterfly caught in flight somewhere over a field of waving sunflowers in some Midwestern meadow, far from here. The time before in another … Continue reading

Real to real

For once, everything seemed so clear in the hospital. As I had told Misti on several occasions, I was headed back to school for something fun this time—the culinary arts. I didn’t have any grand aspirations to become a chef or run my own restaurant, nothing committal like that—I just didn’t want to be lame … Continue reading

broken everything

over the past few days i’ve been dealing with an exacerbation of my symptoms that i am having difficulty explaining. a sensation of fullness at the top of my abdomen, at the area of my diaphragm, just below the sternum, and an ungodly amount of referred pain in my lower back. i was worried about … Continue reading

They all fall down

You could hear the disapproval in Nurse Geri’s voice this morning when you called to report your symptoms. She had wanted to know how many tablets of azathioprine you were on now, and she asked this question by repeating the most recent notes in your patient file. “Back in August it looks like you were … Continue reading

Never enough

Find myself wanting to ask certain people what they think of me. Not sure why, exactly. Maybe because I’ve just been feeling terribly alone these last few days—or weeks, even. Maybe because it’s summer and the days are gorgeous. The sun is this glorious thing in the sky, strong and radiant and shining like a … Continue reading

Sliding toward oblivion / Nurses know best / Drugs, drugs, more drugs

Things continue to go as they have been the last couple of days, I’ll be anemic soon, electrolytes will be all fucked up, and I’ll be very weak—weaker than I am currently. Last time I felt myself getting this bad was during Flare #2, and I’d reached the point where the thought of walking to … Continue reading


So if this blog is supposed to be honest and real then I suppose I should highlight some of beautiful highs and lows of the last couple months. Let’s just start with the most serious first: I flunked out of my classes this semester. Was taking an English class and I couldn’t get my head … Continue reading

On a little boat, alone, sailing the Nausea

The days all kind of feel like a blur lately. All I seem to remember are routines: time doing math homework, time wasted online, time on the couch half-watching TV, half-reading We Need to Talk About Kevin (which has been an enjoyable, but slow, read), and, of course, time sick. All I really remember of … Continue reading

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.