Solar flares

This tag is associated with 8 posts

So difficile

This time the photograph is of a butterfly. Large, heart-shaped wings spread from one border to another, yellow at the center and flaring out to white, specks of white between chains of black. The butterfly caught in flight somewhere over a field of waving sunflowers in some Midwestern meadow, far from here. The time before in another … Continue reading

Real to real

For once, everything seemed so clear in the hospital. As I had told Misti on several occasions, I was headed back to school for something fun this time—the culinary arts. I didn’t have any grand aspirations to become a chef or run my own restaurant, nothing committal like that—I just didn’t want to be lame … Continue reading

Getting away

Monday, February 17 In good spirits with Mom. We joke that we’re making a break for it, a hospital break, we’re gonna bust out of here. Few people overhear us in the hall or foyer, and even fewer smile in our direction. I know that I am a strange sight down here in this open … Continue reading

Happy Heart’s Day

Friday, February 14 Happy Heart’s Day The sweetest thing. Margie and Misti, the two CNAs I usually interact with, surprised me with a gift this afternoon. A fragrance set for my home, made of glass, as well as a plush, pink cat, (“We heard a rumor about you liking cats,” said Misti with a grin), … Continue reading


Saturday, February 8 A quiet night. I dozed the previous evening, wasn’t aware of Mom’s leaving. Rita, the night nurse, was in early this morning to draw blood and push meds through my PICC line. Felt strange. I could feel the saline push move through the line into my chest a little bit. Felt like … Continue reading

A serene moment

Wednesday, February 5 A serene moment My IV’s leaking, the skin on the left hand is puffy. Jenni comes in to switch the IV to my right hand. So many IV sticks over these days, starting to get to me a little, drives home that I’m ill (also the bruises on my arms everywhere). Something … Continue reading

broken everything

over the past few days i’ve been dealing with an exacerbation of my symptoms that i am having difficulty explaining. a sensation of fullness at the top of my abdomen, at the area of my diaphragm, just below the sternum, and an ungodly amount of referred pain in my lower back. i was worried about … Continue reading


Monday morning, a couple days before Christmas, you drove into the city to see the sick people at Bergan Mercy. You took an illegal shortcut through the parking garage on the west end of Mercy street, pulling the steering wheel right and then left and then right again, and chose a stall some distance away … Continue reading

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