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Depression

This tag is associated with 9 posts

Conversations with Doctor K, II

“I had a sinkful of dishes, and I’d put them out on the counter on a towel like I do when I’m getting ready to wash them … and I did that three days ago,” I said, laughing afterward. “You did what now?” “I did it three days ago. I was going to wash dishes, … Continue reading

gutted

haven’t slept in what feels like awhile, tried tonight but just lay there thinking about wf, the letter, my gracious response to the letter which, if written now, would be a little more curious, not so gracious. part of me just doesn’t understand. she can’t do this anymore because it got a little serious, maybe … Continue reading

Vital signs

With the windows open in his room, he’ll sometimes lie on the bed, hands laced behind his head, and listen to the tree in the front yard. The tree that is falling apart one strong gust of wind and one limb at a time. He’ll listen to the sway, the rusting leaves, eyes closed, searching … Continue reading

Never enough

Find myself wanting to ask certain people what they think of me. Not sure why, exactly. Maybe because I’ve just been feeling terribly alone these last few days—or weeks, even. Maybe because it’s summer and the days are gorgeous. The sun is this glorious thing in the sky, strong and radiant and shining like a … Continue reading

Down in a hole

I was trying to help Doctor K understand, and I’d come up with a pretty good analogy for it—so good I suddenly felt the warm and tinglies, and I believe my soul may have smiled a little. “It’s like a huge hole, all the way down into the earth—miles and miles down. Well, on those … Continue reading

Clouds

“… and this is cliché, but it’s kind of like clouds,” I said. “In what way?” “Sometimes the sky will be dark and full of them, you know, and those are the really bad times, the days when I’m in a really bad place and, and … that’s when I can’t stop thinking about it—dying. … Continue reading

Pinky swear I will

Haven’t been writing much at all these past several days, and whenever I do it’s not fun not enjoyable not even good. Really struggling to give a fuck about anything. Been reading this little book about suicide and in one chapter it breaks down in graph form exactly who is most at risk on the … Continue reading

Brief history of a loser

DRUGSTORE DREAMIN’ It’s hard to speak for anyone else. I only know what is pressing for me, and the pressing issue lately, at least since the beginning of the new year, has been depression—a depression at times so severe I’ve been suicidal. I try to be careful when talking about suicide. It’s easy to get … Continue reading

Bury these warning signs

Had a moment the other day when I took from the fridge the small basket containing all of my pills and set the bottles on the counter one by one. When I get to something like buproprion, sometimes, you know … sometimes I wonder how many of those pale, hospital green pills I’d need to … Continue reading

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